One of the first blogs I like to read each day is "Jabblog" in the UK, for a number of reasons. 1) She has wonderful dogs. 2) She has a cat who puts up with the dogs. and 3) I love her writing. Today she posted a deliberately bad poem for "Bad Poetry Day" on the blog Imaginary Garden with Real Toads. I couldn't resist the challenge to write one myself. Apologies to Richard Schear aka my husband Dick, but he was warned right up front that he'd be the fall guy in An Unfittie's Guide to Adventurous Travel, and I did change some of the details (for the sake of the poem, not to preserve his anonymity). For instance, he and the dog have microwaved frozen peas every evening, not canned peas.
today I coughed up something green
the meanest green I’d ever seen
with something of a puce-ish sheen
I thought that I had burst my spleen
I took it to a doctor quick
“look,” I said, and she said, “ick!”
then mentioned to my husband Dick
“I think your wife is very sick”
“oh no!” said Dick, “oh woe,” said he
“now who will cook and clean for me?
“and wash my socks and underwear
“what will I do with no wife there?
“this all is more than I can bear!
“my late beloved mother never taught me to cook
“she only taught me how to look
“for someone who would do for me
“the things which had been done by she”
“tough luck,” said the lady doctor
(if Dick’s mom knew, it would have shocked her)
“you’ll have to learn to feed yourself
“and just keep items on your shelf
“that you can open, like a can,
“stand up now, and be a man!”
so Dick and the dog, they eat canned peas
which he (but not the dog) can open with ease
and I just live on Lean Cuisine
as long as it doesn’t contain anything green
Posted for Imaginary Garden with Real Toads bad poetry challenge.