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Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Bad poetry: something green


One of the first blogs I like to read each day is "Jabblog" in the UK, for a number of reasons. 1) She has wonderful dogs. 2) She has a cat who puts up with the dogs. and 3) I love her writing. Today she posted a deliberately bad poem for "Bad Poetry Day" on the blog Imaginary Garden with Real Toads. I couldn't resist the challenge to write one myself. Apologies to Richard Schear aka my husband Dick, but he was warned right up front that he'd be the fall guy in An Unfittie's Guide to Adventurous Travel, and I did change some of the details (for the sake of the poem, not to preserve his anonymity). For instance, he and the dog have microwaved frozen peas every evening, not canned peas.


GREEN

today I coughed up something green
the meanest green I’d ever seen
with something of a puce-ish sheen
I thought that I had burst my spleen
*
I took it to a doctor quick
“look,” I said, and she said, “ick!”
then mentioned to my husband Dick
“I think your wife is very sick”
*
“oh no!” said Dick, “oh woe,” said he
“now who will cook and clean for me?
“and wash my socks and underwear
“what will I do with no wife there?
“this all is more than I can bear!
“my late beloved mother never taught me to cook
“she only taught me how to look
“for someone who would do for me
“the things which had been done by she”
*
“tough luck,” said the lady doctor
(if Dick’s mom knew, it would have shocked her)
“you’ll have to learn to feed yourself
“and just keep items on your shelf
“that you can open, like a can,
“stand up now, and be a man!”
*
so Dick and the dog, they eat canned peas
which he (but not the dog) can open with ease
and I just live on Lean Cuisine
as long as it doesn’t contain anything green
*
Posted for Imaginary Garden with Real Toads bad poetry challenge.

13 comments:

Leslie said...

hahahahaha! i love it :)

Sallie (FullTime-Life) said...

You are so funny! It takes talent to write a good bad poem. Really.

Jinksy said...

There are parts in this which are too good to be bad - like the first verse! LOL

Doctor FTSE said...

I agree with Jinksy. This poem is so completely and thoroughly awful that it's wonderful/borderline AWESOME!

Kim Nelson said...

Oh My Heck! This perfectly, utterly disgusting. A Valiant effort at bad poetry!

Peter Goulding said...

"ick" is a pure gem of a word to fit into the poem.
And 'the things that have been done by she' positively shines in its determination to complete the rhyme, no matter the cost to grammar.
Delicious!

jabblog said...

Oh Kay, I'm overcome **blush**
What fun this poem is . . . OR . . .
what fun is this poem (much more poetic)
Wonderful - you MUST do more -both parodies and serious . . . do hope Lindy and Richard are well (note the order - most important first ;-);-))

Dorincard said...

Interesting blog...great sense of humor! :)

Tiaden said...

This has such great humour about it, brilliant!

Laurie Kolp said...

You crack me up, Kay. It's gross, but not bad.

Seasons said...

In Reactions, one of the options is Funny. This one goes far beyond...Hilarious...once someone manages to get past the beginning of this poem. Just for kicks, I am clicking on Helpful.

SquirrelQueen said...

Now that is just too funny Kay, I laughed all the way through. There are a lot of guys out there that this would fit. I love it!

Oregon Gifts of Comfort and Joy said...

Kay, this is so funny! And very good, too. LOL.

Kathy M.