Saturday, January 19, 2013

Real Toads: Hedge's interlocking rhyme

This weekend at the Imaginary Garden with Real Toads, Hedgewitch has challenged us to write a poem with an interlocking, or chained, rhyme.

She provided us with this example of a medieval Irish poem:

"Charmed be this, the land of Eire
Fair isle of the fruitful sea
Trees be laden on the green hill
Filled with fruit be the rainy wood;
Moody with rain be the cascade
Made of falls be the lake of tarns…"

as well as two examples she just "scratched up" to show how "simple and open-ended" the process is. She's a fine poet, our Hedgewitch is. She puts many of us to shame on a pretty much regular basis. Therefore, what is simple for her might be considered challenging to a mere mortal such as I.

So I tried one:

we wandered into the garden where,
wearing longjohn underwear,
stared Stallion and the Old Grey Mare

and then another:
I realized, while walking, I had gained far too much flab,
grabbed a cab rather than taking a tram,
gams just couldn’t manage walking,
stockings couldn’t keep up at all

Until I managed one I liked. I don't love it, but at least I like it:
Wikipedia photo
letters found in an old armoir
attar of roses perfumes air
bare emotions lingering there
where my mother’s crocheted shawl
calls to mind my childhood doll

Kay L. Davies, 
January, 2013


hedgewitch said...

You are so nice to me, Kay. I think you picked this up like a natural, and I like all three of them a lot. (The very first one is actually my favorite.) This little form looks simple, until you try to use it, and then it gets a bit slippery--you navigated that nicely and turned out examples with great cadence and a lot of charm. I'm still smiling. Thank you, Kay, for joining in today.

Anonymous said...

Kay - I actually like your crossedout ones too - the gams especially, but the one you chose is very lovely - the attar of nostalgia and remembrance is very present. Thanks much. k.

Susan said...

My experience is similar, and I may have to post something I am not enamored of. I like yours for its images and its level of seriousness.
your intro, though, is pretty funny.

Weekend-Windup said...

All of them looks good to me :)

Kerry O'Connor said...

Ah, Kay! You bring us all back to earth with your dry wit. I love the old closet, scented with roses and memory.

Loredana Donovan said...

So evocative, love it! :)

Robyn Greenhouse said...

I think you did great - even the ones you crossed out!

Marian said...

oh, Kay, i love what you did! your final poem is so melancholy that it hurts a bit to read, awwww. but your first two are so charming and funny and you :)

Kim Nelson said...

You did it! And you managed to conjure memories for me, too.

Fireblossom said...

That's nice, Kay. It made me feel good.

Other Mary said...

Hahaha - your presentation is delightful! And all three of your poems are too. The sweet reminiscent air of your last one is charming, and the other two are a hoot.

Mary said...

Kay, I love how the shawl triggered childhood memories. Very nice use of the form indeed!

Lady In Read said...

loved all three.. and loved how memories can be triggered..

Chhavi Vatwani said...

Oh! I so love it. The way it has an archaic earthy scent to it! Like really reading from old letters.

kkkkaty said...

I see what you mean, but I'm partial to the armoir attar and bare did a great job;)

Hannah said...

Lovely glimpse into the past...I like this one, Kay!! :)

anthonynorth said...

Enjoyed the whole thing. Nicely done.

jabblog said...

Lovely, Kay - I liked all of them. Not an easy form, I think:-)