Sunday, April 21, 2013

Lunar events

Richard Schear photo

Grace has introduced the Imaginary Garden with Real Toads to the short haiku-like poem called the Lune (French for moon) which is sometimes called the American haiku.

Two versions exist, one created deliberately, one accidentally. We will look at and experiment with both of them for the 21st day of Real Toads' poem-a-day challenge for April. Many Toads are also posting to NaPoWriMo as well.

1. The Kelly Lune
Robert Kelly, an American poet, felt that adhering to the strict form of Japanese haiku (5-7-5 syllables) in English, creates a different poem than the Japanese intention. He invented the Lune to remove these differences, and the only requirement is a 5-3-5 syllable count: thus each lune has thirteen syllables: one for each month of the lunar year.

2. The Collom Lune
Jack Collom created his version by accident. He misremembered Kelly's 5-3-5 syllables as 3-5-3 words, and as he was teaching children, it turned out to be a good thing. "As a happy coincidence," says Grace, "this variation made it easier for kids to create Lunes, since words are easier to count than syllables."


a) The Kelly Lune
Never one to follow orders, I have taken Kelly's thirteen syllables, minus his per-line count, and played with Lunes to resemble (slightly) a half-moon or a crescent moon shape.

thirteen months in a
lunar year, or so
I hear here
25th day 
of this april, a
full moon we’ll see

Properly, however, the Kelly Lune should be 13 syllables arranged thus:

melancholy babe
come to me,
see what we can be

b) The Collum Lune
Richard Schear photo
As it is for children, so it is for the elderly: words are easier to count than are syllables.
For example:
one sad and sorry Sunday
she reclined alone
and thought of lost love

And, like one of Collum's students, I am more interested in playing around with the new things I've learned today than I am in writing serious poetry.

one bright and sunny Sunday
she walked alone
and thought of white clouds

and then it was pointed out to me that I misremembered how Collum misremembered the Kelly Lune. Collum's should be 3-5-3, which doesn't add up to 13 at all, so here goes another try...

she reclined alone
one sad and sorry Sunday,
without her love

she walked alone
one bright and sunny Sunday
beneath blue sky
Kay Davies, April 21, 2013


aprille said...

A generous helping.
Particularly like your last two. The Collum version has just that touch more bite because of the length.

Heaven said...

Kay, your post made me smile, ha ~

I like the Kelly lune, though it sounds like a tease to me ~

As to the Collum lune, dear, it should be 3-5-3 words, NOT 5-3-5 words ~ Confusing, I know but I love your adventurous spirit ~

Thanks for participating in RT Sunday Challenge ~

hedgewitch said...

This is fun, Kay. I like your informative but not too serious approach, and I especially like the last lune--though they all are neat.

Yamini MacLean said...

Hari OM
the Kelly form has more appeal for me though not sure why. Something to ponder. Which means as haikus, they have done their job! Love the informational aspect of your post too Kay. Lovely. YAM

Kerry O'Connor said...

I like the way you have experimented with the shape and form. Some lovely pieces, Kay.

Susan said...

I like shapes in space, so your lunar one delighted me,

Ella said...

Kay I love how you did this~
It was enchanting and folklore like~
Fun to read!
Well Done

Susie Clevenger said...

I always get fed such a poetic treat when I visit here.. You not only met the challenge but created things with your own flair.

Peggy said...

You really covered it all Kay!! I enjoyed reading your whole post.

SquirrelQueen said...

I really enjoyed the crescent moon shape verse. Even though I enjoy poetry I have always been lacking when it comes to writing it. I think even I could do the Collum version.

Heaven said...

I am back to read the Collom lune of 11 words...lovely set though it is a sad one, without her love ~

Thanks for playing along dear ~ Love your sense of fun ~

Truedessa said...

wow, really enjoyed your post a lot to read.

Mary said...

I love how you describe your process as well as sharing your lunes.

Helen said...

However, whatever you composed .. I thoroughly enjoyed each one! said...

Kay, I'm so lame with forms, and yet, I also view this as being unrestrained. You say Kelly, I say Collum, the shy girl in the corner says haiku!

The important thing is you enjoyed writing and we enjoyed reading! Lovely stuff. Amy

Loredana Donovan said...

I enjoyed your post, Kay. A wonderful variety of Lune poems, and you left the best for last :)

Daryl said...