Thursday, December 25, 2014

A humbug helper for Christmas dinner

Some years ago, when I was new to Alberta, and Dick was new to me, I told him I wasn't feeling well, late one afternoon, and told him I had to lie down.
"Oh." he said. "Well, then, if you're sick, I'll just have an omelet for supper."
"I'm so glad you know how to make an omelet," I replied.
His face dropped. "I...I...I don't know how to make an omelet."
"Well, then who did you suppose...wait a minute. Me. You expect me to get up to make you an omelet!"
"But, they're easy to make, and wouldn't take you very long."
"Look in the fridge," I replied. "Look in the cupboards. Or go out to get something for your supper. And some day, I'll teach you how to make an omelet."
About a year passed while I entertained myself with ideas for my lesson-plan on omelet-teaching. One day, I caught him coming through the kitchen.
"Are you busy?" I asked.
"Not really," he replied.
"Good, it's almost time for supper, so I'll teach you how to make an omelet."
"Oh, okay."
"First, you assemble the ingredients. Eggs, an onion, a green pepper, salt and pepper, and cheese. Here's the cheese grater. Grate about this much. Then cut up half of the green pepper, and chop up half of the onion."
"But I don't like chopping onions!"
"Sweetie," I said, sweetly, "nobody likes chopping onions."
* * *
So here we are, it's Christmas Day in western Canada. Dick had done the shopping, attempting to adhere to my list, and found what the store called a sweet onion. I laughed this afternoon when he ran out of the room, at my suggestion that he might like to chop it for me.
Unfortunately, in the years between the first omelet and this Christmas, I have had cataract surgery on both eyes, requiring the lenses my eyes were born with to be replaced by artificial lenses. I swear those artificial things trapped all of the fumes from that so-called sweet onion, making me weep copiously.
Photo by Richard Schear
I considered calling for help but, in those same said years, Dick lost a lot of his hearing and doesn't like wearing his hearing-aids. I would have called, he would have replied, "I can't hear you!"
I would have had to fall on the floor, moaning with pain and weeping more loudly, in order to get our old blind dog to go fetch him, so I cut the onion in half, chopped half of it, wrapped up the other half and put it in the fridge.
It can stay there until next Christmas, or until it turns greeny-brown and rots, whichever comes first.
Meanwhile, I hope all of my friends in Blogland have had or are having a wonderful holiday season.


Red said...

Well, I like omelets and I can make them. They are a favorite of mine.

Jennifer A. Jilks said...

Oh, Lordie, Kay. You gotta team them how to treat you!

I love you so much. You take good care. Thank you for making me laugh today!
o you have a virtual reading application on your computer. It might help you. Merry Christmas!

Kay L. Davies said...

@ Jenn —
You're so sweet. Thanks so much.
My artificial lenses are set for 18 inches, so I can see the computer screen just fine.
I have a friend who has only a tiny bit of vision left in one eye, because she has arteritis, which is scary because it can happen anywhere in the body...the artery just closes up, with little or no warning.
Makes me grateful that I can see to read, and with my glasses I can see to walk and drive.
Hugs, K

Yamini MacLean said...

Hari Om
Oh dear, I wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry in sympathy with you Kay!!! You got me thinking about what I'd like for brekky in a few hours though. May skip on onion... YAM xx

Powell River Books said...

I guess I'm fortunate that Wayne likes cooking (spelled BBQ) so I get a break with entrees. Even for him, chopping onions and making an omelet would be a stretch. Have a great Christmas out there in Alberta. Hope you are snowed in. - Margy

Sherry Blue Sky said...

I wrote a comment then was apparently too tired and clicked the wrong button. An omlelet for xmas dinner sounds more restful than the crowd scene we had here yesterday, still have today, and will repeat in a few hours. So much Feeding People. I am apparently now officially too old for three days of merry making. But then I already knew that. Tomorrow I intend to lie on the couch. Maybe forever. LOL.

Joyful said...

Very funny story Kay. I hope you both enjoyed the omelette and that you had a lovely Christmas. I am now back from Christmas with my mom and small family. I made a turkey dinner in a ill equipped motel kitchenette. Thankfully I bought the pre-cooked one from Safeway. It made the job so much easier and it was very tasty that even the cook (me) enjoyed it. Happy holiday and I hope you are recovering well from eye surgery. Hugs. xx

Mara said...

I am not too fond of omelets, but for other dishes I will have to chop/dice onions. I bought a onion chopper a few years ago, but I only use it if I have a lot of onions to do. Just get rid of all the anger in me by hitting that chopper. And no tears!